Lord of the Dumbbells
by chili-Andy
Summary: Harry Potter and the Fellowship have to cooperate in an attept to save two worlds from the same fate. Read and REVIEW! :-)
1. Bubble Gum

Lord of the Dumbbells  
Disclaimer: Yeah Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and the Fellowship belongs to J.R.R Tolkein. So basically I don't own them. Read and REVIEW!

* * *

Chapter One:  
It was a calm day in Chicago. The grass was green and the Merry and Pippin were outside waiting for something fun to pop into their heads. The previous day they had accidentally fallen into a magic portal and they were now trying to remember how to get back to have some adventure.   
"What are you two doing? Don't you have something more important to do?!" Legolas shouted from across the street. He had decided that reading the paper would be entertaining since the two hobbits hadn't gotten into any trouble so far that day.   
"Does it look like we have something more important to do?" Merry answered as hastily as possible. He didn't want to lose his train of thought.   
"You could always give us your car...we will try to keep it in one piece this time." Pippin promised.   
"Oh no you don't. Last time you managed to get it stuck in the middle of the roof. You never explained that to me, but I don't think I want to know. Now if you don't mind I really have to get this gum out of Frodo's afro and read the paper."   
"Hurry up Lego! It burns, IT BURNS!!!" Frodo complained. He had been sleeping in the middle of the floor in the living room while Merry, Pippin, Sam, and Gandalf had been having gum spitting wars. Farthest one wins.   
"It's only a piece of gum, Frodo. How can it burn? Your afros so thick it doesn't even come close to your scalp. You could use a haircut." Legolas commented.   
"Getting a haircut hurts. The scissors cut your head and then it takes hobbit weed to grow my fro back. I will never- mmmm hobbit weed. Do we have any corn flakes or breakfast material?"  
"How did you go from gum in your hair to breakfast?" Legolas asked baffled.   
"Breakfast? Did I hear the word breakfast? I could use some breakfast..." Merry and Pippin walked in and sat down at the table.   
"You guys drive me crazy!" Legolas screamed attempting to pull his long beautiful blonde hair out. Sam, being the chef in the house walked over to the refrigerator. It had started raining outside without warning and the hole in the roof began to let the rain come pouring in. He had waded down the stairs sopping wet. He opened the freezer.   
"Let's have Eggo's. I'm not up to cooking anything big today." Legolas was hungry so he was the first one to the box. There was a single Eggo left in the package and suddenly everyone was huddling around him. "Lego my Eggo Lego!" everyone shouted thinking it was the perfect time to insult him.   
"I was so here first. You snooze you lose." Legolas teased.   
He popped it into the toaster and stood with his bow and arrow ready to shoot anyone that tried anything. Ten more seconds and he could enjoy his hot pastry. 9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...and down the railing on a skateboard shot Gandalf the hungry wizard. He had brought the plate from his room and stole the Eggo's from Legolas in one swoop. It was a race to the finish line and Lego being the only one with a weapon was in the lead. He stood in the middle of the hallway and pulled his hand. The arrow shot straight at the skateboard wheel and the Eggo went flying towards the hungry crowd. Aragon shot out from nowhere and swiped the Eggo out from Pippin's nose. It was only a matter of syrup. Aragon couldn't eat an Eggo without his special Maple Syrup from Log Cabin. He ran towards the fridge to retrieve it and noticed a second box of Eggo's. He took them out and put them on the counter. Legolas darted as fast as his feet would carry him to the box and everyone continued their normal daily activities. There was suddenly a knock on the door.   
"I'll get it!" Aragon shouted so he could greet the guest.   
Lego had started heading up the stairs. He didn't care who it was he just wanted peace and quiet. Merry and Pippin had begun to play a game with their Eggo and both had a grasp on it with their mouths.   
"Hello Harry Potter." Aragon greeted their guest.   
"Hi Aragon. I have come this distance because I need to ask you all a favor."   
"Hermione getting a little rough is she?" Pippin winked at Harry. "No, unfortunately not. I wish it were that simple. You see, this golden ring seems to have found its way into my hands and some wizard popped out of nowhere saying I had to bring it to Mount Doom and throw it into Middle Earth." Harry explained as Sam made some coffee.   
Merry flashed an evil look at Gandalf who seemed to be hiding from everyone else. It was obviously him who made this appearance.   
"Gandalf you promised! Ring business is our business and Mount Volder was his! Stop trying to mix our worlds. You know that hot guy with blonde hair hates us all. Do you WANT us to be killed?!" Sam shouted waking everyone in the house.  
"Actually, his name is Voldermort- and hot guy with blonde hair? YOU MEAN MALFOY?! Oh please...you could do so much better Sam." Harry said half surprised. "Eh, he gives me a thrill of evil. Even though Legs gives me evil everyday..." Sam carried on.   
"Anyways, I've been thinking all weekend about what to do with this ring and I put it on so I wouldn't lose it on the way here, but then G showed up and I was like whoooaaa! So he was all like freaked out man and Hermione kept popping into my head and I was dizzy so I took the crazy thing off." Harry told the group as they watched intently but confused.   
"Where do coconuts come from?" Pippin asked looking at the juice box Frodo had given him to keep him quiet.   
"The sky." Merry explained.   
"No, they come from the chimney." Gandalf told him.   
Ten minutes later, everyone was discussing the origin of coconuts and had forgotten Harry Potter had to throw a ring into Mount Doom before the whole world ended.   
"Hello! Can we please stay focused?! Now I know why I never come to see you guys. Attention span of a moth! Just take the stupid ring and I'll be on my way." Harry said.   
"No. We mustn't just take the ring. You are the chosen one Harry Potter, and now YOU must take the ring." Gandalf stated.   
"What must I do?" Harry said, stealing Frodo's phrase.   
"We'll come with you! It'll be a great adventure!!! Besides, being locked up in a house with Leggsie isn't that fun...maybe we can see this blonde hottie." Sam shouted.   
"Hey! I can be fun. It just has to be a safe fun where there is some education going on." Legolas argued. "See what I mean...no fun." Sam said.   
"Whatever, let's go before Gimli wakes up, he always ways us down. GIMLI YOU FATASS I HATE YOU!" Legolas shouted at the top of his lungs.   
As they all headed off to the magical world Frodo realized his shoe wasn't tied so when he stopped Sam saw Harry checking him out. This upset Sam because everyone knew Frodo was Sam's.   
"Back off Mr. Potter, Mr. Frodo is mine and you are way too young for him. It would be best if we handled the rest of this on our own. You are released." Sam quickly said trying to get his man back.


	2. Magic

Disclaimer: Hmm let's see. Harry Potter isn't mine. Nor is any of the Lord of the Rings characters...dang!  
  
Thanks for reviewing guys! Wow ok I guess I'll keep writing this story then. You all must be wondering y i posted chapter one twice, well i was having problems with my spacing and paragraphs so I had to delete my other one so u may have read it twice. Sorry for the trouble!

* * *

Ch. 2  
  
"Umm Sam," Harry said in rebuttal for Sam's snappy comment, "I'm not...you know-" Harry stopped when he realized everyone was staring at him.   
"What? Do you need something?" everyone slowly walked down the path ready to leave on their next adventure.   
Harry got in the front seat of Legolas' Elf mobile which he named Eluana, after a lovely chipper elf he had met in Rivendell. They all crowded in the car and drove off. In the rearview mirror, a little figure came running after them screaming, "WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITHOUT ME? YOU CRAZY OGRES!"   
Aragorn who was sitting in the back eating his Eggo's in peace started cackling under his breath. He had never really liked Gimli and loved seeing his angry expression. Next to Aragorn, Pippin and Merry were poking each other. Eventually Merry got tired and his arms were a rose color so he stopped. Pippin had been declared the winner and went on bragging.  
  
"It's the second road on your left." Harry directed Legolas.   
"Where exactly are you taking us Mr. Potter?" Legolas asked in the calmest voice possible, for there were no roads on his left side.   
"Just wait....waiiiiiit OK NOW!" Harry screeched. Legolas quickly turned and a pathway appeared right before their eyes.   
"WOW!!! WOOOOOOW!" Sam said as he clutched Frodo's arm.   
"I've never seen anything like it," Frodo said.   
"It's as beautiful as a sunset on a warm summer's night," Gandalf mused as he smoked his pipe. Everyone turned around including Legolas which upset more than half the people in the car. "What? Haven't you all seen a sunset before?" Gandalf said in his most defensive tone.   
The group turned around and realized Legolas wasn't driving anymore. Everyone screamed as they looked down and saw that they weren't in Kansas anymore. The car was high in the air where no ground could be seen. "POTTER PUT MY BABY DOWN RIGHT NOW!" Legolas shouted. He has just gotten his car detailed and wanted it to remain in perfect condition. The car softly landed in a patch of grass a few feet away from a horrifically large building. Legolas noticed a very large tree with huge clubs at the end of each branch and he thought to himself, "That is one cool tree. I wonder if I can learn how to grow one.."  
  
"Everyone out, this way, follow me," Harry brought the fellowship to a great door with a picture of a woman dressed in pink.  
"What's the deal with the fat lady?" Pippin asked. Legolas, deciding it was very rude to say that corrected him. "She is pleasantly plump Pippin."   
Harry tapped the door three times softly and a girl with bushy eyebrows opened it slowly. "Harry is that you?" the cautious girl asked.   
"Of course it's me! Who else would it be? Malfoy?" Harry replied.   
"Hello....Potter. What? Didn't expect to see me?" Harry turned around a saw Malfoy standing behind him. The glint in his eye was as if he knew something very secret about Harry.   
"Get lost Malfoy no one likes you." Harry said attempting to give Malfoy a dirty look.   
Hermione pushed Harry out of the way and looked Draco in the eyes.   
"If you don't go away I promise your face a first class ticket to my fist!" She scolded him.   
"You filthy mudblood! What makes you think I won't tell Professor Snape you have a whole bloody Fellowship in your common room?!" He decided now would be the perfect time to taunt Harry. "Just leave, I don't need this," Harry told Malfoy.   
With the blink of and eye Malfoy was gone. It surprised everyone including Sam who stood with his mouth gaping open in awe.   
"He is without a doubt the hottest guy I've ever seen!" He said to himself. Frodo saw the look in Sam's face and did NOT like what he saw. Even though Frodo was in love with Kai'Laria, he liked having the attention of Sam. He waited on him hand and foot and was always there for him in times of trouble.   
"Ok everyone, you are at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is where I have learned my magic and continue to. Now I have plenty of books so let's get researching!" Harry started.   
"What do we need researching for?" Merry asked who had been particularly shy that day. He had been very embarrassed for losing the poking game.   
"Why to know what we are up against or course, and what we have to do before we can return to our old lives."   
"We know what we have to do you hairy git," Pippin boldly said. "We've been through this whole thing before, remember?" he reminded her.   
"Well we haven't so we would like to know," Hermione barked back at him.   
"Why don't you just ask us?" Aragorn asked in the nicest way possible. He didn't want her to get all angry like she had been with Pippin.   
"Fine, I ask you," Hermione said.   
"Well basically all we have to do is bring this ring to the pits of Mount Doom. Since you've got your magic...we can just pop over there and be done with it!" Legolas stated. He loved his idea; it would make things a lot easier!   
"Well ok then, let's go!" Harry and Hermione shouted in unison.   
"But make sure we don't wake Ron...he's been eyeing me and I don't like it," Hermione said. "OK let's go," Harry said as he tried swinging his wand around. Come on! Why won't this thing work? Hermione!!!" Harry said in his whiniest sound possible.   
"It has been tampered with...but who?" Hermione asked

* * *

Keep reviewing guys! 


	3. Mystery

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings has jumped off a cliff...so no one owns them anymore. Oh, Harry Potter? Well let's just say they own each other. Hah.

* * *

XxXtAP-daNCiNg-sPIdeRsXxX: Sorry bout the posting so many times... some people couldn't read it. Oh McDonalds, nice choice!  
  
Tom-Felton-Fan01: Haha school...ENGLISH ROCKED let's get into Mr. Voss' class next year 2gether!  
  
UK All The Way: I tried to update as soon as I could, I was grounded there for awhile so I worked on it. Hope you like it.  
  
nightstar13: RED HAIR AHHHH. Ok Blue all the way! I wish u and my sis could dye yours different colors, I was plagued with blonde hair. Stupid light colored hair.

* * *

Chapter 3: 

"How has it been tampered with? It has been in my pocket the WHOLE time?!" Harry asked.  
  
"Well don't ask me, I don't live in your pocket. I guess we'll just need to get there the long way," Hermione said, her voice fading away. She had wanted to get back to her normal life, not hang out with a bunch of weirdoes.  
  
"ADVENTURE!!!!" Pippin and Merry had started to jump up and down with joy. They had wanted an adventure for a long time.  
  
"Well we had better get started. We can leave at sunrise. Everyone should get their sleep. I'll stay watch in case Mr. Malfoy comes back," Legolas volunteered.

"Why can't we just use Hermione's wand?" Harry asked.

"Well where's the adventure in THAT?!" Sam asked."Besides, we can all spend some quality time together and get to know eachother."

"Ok..Bedtime everyone," Hermione said.  
  
"Better get a move on Pip, I hear with the wave of a wand Harry can have a WHOLE room filled with food! We can look forward to breakfast," Merry told his close friend. For everyone knew Pippin had a stomach the size of the universe and it took a lot for it to be filled.  
  
"I wanna live in a pocket! That'd be soooo cool!" Aragorn said.  
  
"Well Legolas you have to wear this if you are going to guard," Harry said handing Leggsie the invisibility cloak.  
  
"This is dark magic...I can feel it. Why do I need such a dangerous thing?" Legolas questioned Harry.  
  
"I don't want anyone to see you. Especially Malfoy, he will do great damage," Harry explained.  
  
"I am an elf sir, and I am quick and light footed. No one will see me unless I want them to. I can hide anywhere possible. Have no worries," Legolas said.  
  
"Ok, but I am going to leave this here just in case. You three hobbits can sleep on the floor," Harry told them as he threw the cloak across the room.  
  
"There are four hobbits," Gandalf said.  
  
"What? I count three. One...two...three. Three hobbits," Harry counted.  
  
"Where has Sam gone?" Frodo asked in confusion. He started panicking and looking frightfully for his old friend. He was walking so fast that he tripped and fell over.  
  
"Wha- how did he fall there is nothing there to fall over," Hermione asked confused.  
  
Just as Frodo was getting up, a little sleeping hobbit appeared. Frodo had thrown the invisibility cloak over Sam as he was sleeping in the corner of the room. He was curled up in a little ball and no one had noticed him missing till that point.  
  
"Just like Sam to go sleep in a time of danger!" Pippin mused as he lay down on the floor.  
  
"There's not really any danger Pip," Merry said.  
  
"Way to go ruin my fun and games..."Pippin said now upset. He liked action and adventure. What would he do now....Sleep?? I don't think so.

Harry and Hermione turned out the lights. As they walked to their own rooms they counted to make sure everyone was still there. They saw Aragorn sitting in a corner drawing a picture of his sword; Sam, Frodo and Merry sleeping in small little curled up balls; Legolas standing guard; and Gandalf smoking his pipe. That seemed to be right. One ranger, one elf, one wizard, and three hobbits.

"There are only three hobbits, Harry," Hermione pointed out.

"There ARE only three hobbits, Hermione," Harry replied.

Just then there was a rumbling noise and a door shutting. Legolas drew his bow and arrow and Hermione reached for her wand, but it was gone.

"Come out here and fight like a man!" Legolas shouted.

"That's not fair, I'm not even half the size of a man and I'm too tired and hungary to fight Legsi," a small voice said coming from a dark corner.

"GIVE ME BACK MY WAND YOU TWIT!" Hermione screamed. Harry was suprised the whole common room wan't down there yet. Pippin stepped into the bright room (Harry had turned on the lights to see who it was) he handed over the wand.

"How is there a small refrigerator in here all of a sudden?" Harry asked.

"Oh, like I said I was hungry. I wanted some food so I just zapped in a fridge full of food!" Pippin explained.

"How do you know how to use a wand?!" Hermione questioned him. Not every hobbit could use a wand.

"Well you see I read _Wands for Wussies._ It's a good book. I was a little itty bitty hobbit, not much to look at, kind of a nerd so I read a lot," Pippin babbled on.

Harry and Hermione turned the lights off again. Hermione reached in her pocket to make sure she had her wand with her and then continued up the stairs. Everyone was accounted for so they could finally get to sleep. Legolas was still standing guard but now he was sitting by the fire with a mirror in one hand and a hairbrush in the other. His bow and arrow were at his side just in case. The hobbits and Aragorn were still in the same positions and Gandalf was now dosing off. Leggie could now brush his hair and relax with his newspaper.

However, just then Legolas heard something out of his pointy elf ears. He drew his bow and arrow again and shot. Harry and Hermione ran down the stairs. When he had realized what had happened, he screamed and fainted while Hermione just stood on awe. The rest of the Fellowship woken by the scream jumped up to see what was going on. Even Aragorn stood from his picture. They all just stood there waiting for Legolas to go reveal who he had just killed.

* * *

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! 


	4. Death and Childish Behavior

Ch4  
  
Disclaimer: LoTr and Harry Potter are registered trademarks or Jewel Osco. They have all become vegetables. LINE Thank you all for reviewing! You're all awesome! WOO! UK All The Way: Sorry, I'll try to stop with the cliffhangers.  
  
nightstar13: psychopathic people rock! GO NEIGHBOR WIT THE HOT BROTHER!  
  
Tom-Felton-Fan01: Yeah of COURSE I wanna submit it! It's gonna rule the world! mwahahaha...  
  
XxXtAP-daNCiNg-sPIdeRsXxX: As much as I wanted Legs to kill Gimli...I couldn't have that fatass making another appearance in my story. What would the neighbors thinks? LINE  
  
Everyone jumped over to the door. Suddenly there was a scream.  
  
"AAAHHH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU-YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!"  
  
"What do you mean Boromir? You're already dead. How can one possibly die again?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Well he scared me...doesn't THAT count for anything?" he asked back.  
  
"No...not really," Pippin said.  
  
"I am really sorry Sir...I mean Mister...Ghost Man," Legolas struggled.  
  
"Bor, he didn't mean it," Gandalf said.  
  
"Gandalf old man is that you?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Why yes sir. Are you ready now? Oh we're going skateboarding," Gandalf explained.  
  
"No you are not we have two worlds to save SIR!" Legolas yelled.  
  
"I'll be back before supper...come oooon. You never let me do anything! My god you like everyone more than me. NOT FAIR!" Gandalf whined.  
  
"Leggie can I go for a walk, my hobbit feet hurt," Merry asked.  
  
"Of course, Merry," Legolas agreed.  
  
"SEE! You always let everyone else go out but then I get stuck here doing dishes!" Gandalf exclaimed.  
  
"Umm sorry, but we have magic to do the dishes here," Hermione said.  
  
"SMART ASS I'M A WIZARD I KNOW THAT!" Gandalf screamed at her.  
  
"Hey you wanna yell at her you have to go through me first," Harry told him.  
  
Suddenly Gandalf grew and grew and grew and the room became dim.  
  
"DO NOT MOCK ME HARRY POTTER. I AM NOT HERE TO YELL AT YOUR WOMAN. I am here to help you. But can't I go on a friggin skate run?!" Gandalf shrunk back to his original size. The light was also restored.  
  
Everyone in the room stood there staring at him as he waltzed right out of the door in front of Legolas. Aragorn dropped what he was doing in awe. Eventually everyone noticed he was just sitting there in the same position. They came and sat down next to him and started timing him. Everyone placed a bet to see how long it would take for him to move. Frodo got sick of his bad breath so he shut his mouth. Then everyone got into an uproar of whether that counted as moving. Punches were thrown people were injured and by the time the fight was over Merry had a bloody noise, Frodo had hobbit weed in his ears, Legolas was in mint condition as he stood on the ceiling, Aragorn was in all types of shapes as probably all the bones in his body were broken, and Sam was nursing Frodo's ears even though he clearly had a broken arm. As for Pippin...well he was in the corner smoking hobbit weed.  
  
"Ok now that everyone got THAT out let's go save the world," Lego said.  
  
"Again? But we did that yesterday and Gandalf isn't back yet," Sam said as he threw Pippin a bit of the weed in Frodo's ears.  
  
"Well the world needs us again. Or should I say worlds?" Merry said as he stood in the Peter Pan stance. "Let's GO!"  
  
"Duude...NO," Legolas said. "We gotta be all tyte when Gandalf gets back. He needs to learn how to chill when he has temper tantrums like that. It's getting to b ridiculous iiyt."  
  
"Who's the one on weed now..." Pippin turned to Merry and whispered.  
  
"You are dawg now let's get cracking," Legolas said.  
  
All four hobbits started giggling. Even Aragorn showed signs of laughter even though he was still lying on the ground.  
  
"He said cracking!" They all said jumping up and down.  
  
"I don't get it yo," Legolas said in a confused manner.  
  
"You said CRACKing hahahaha!!!" Aragorn said on the ground now having fits of laughter. He even attempted to get up once to jump with the hobbits but he hit his head on a large coffee table and got conked out again.  
  
"What am I going to do with you?!" Legolas yelled.  
  
Just then Gandalf walked in the door with the ghost of Boromir. They sat down on the couch and started eating potato chips. Sam walked over and put his hand out.  
  
"What are those? Pippin asked.  
  
"P-O-T-A-T-O-E-S- boil 'em mash 'em stick 'em in a stew," Sam explained.  
  
"Umm, riiight," Merry said grabbing a handful of chips.

"Ok, Let's go now. I'm ready ta go," Gandalf said.

Everyone filed out of the room. However no one noticed that Hermione and Harry were missing. They just kept walking and they started their journey to Mount Doom. Suddenly Sam stopped.

"Weren't there more of us? I really remember two annoying kids here," he asked.

"Eh you can't keeo track of everyone," Merry said.

So they kept walking. They eventually reached Rivendell and a tall man with sunglasses and a hawiian shirt came to greet them.

"Aloha dudes! The surfing here is choice so gear up and let's get it on," he said.

"We aren't here to surf Elrond but where is Arwen?" Aragorn suddenly became a man instead of a child and walked over to Arwen.

"Estel, I need your guidance. I was thinking about getting a tattoo on my arm what color should it be?" Aragorn asked her.

"Nope still a child..." Gandalf said.

"Um well I'd prefer you not to have a tattoo darling. You're handsome without one," Arwen commented.

"Well I was GOING to get a rose tattoo with your name embroidered but NOW I'll get one with the name Kendall so everyone thinks I'm cheating," Aragorn said as he ran away to go roll in the dirt. He liked ticking Legolas off cause he had to clean Aragorn off.

Meanwhile back at Hogwarts...

"What do you want with us? We don't have anything that belongs to you!" Hermione fidgeted to get free but couldnt.

"Oh I don't want you pip-squeeks. I want the blonde one and he goes where YOU go. Mwahahahahahaaaaaa," the voice boomed.


	5. Great America

Ok all I'm ready for my next chapter. I'm sitting here with my music playing and I'm ready to write. Only the phone rings and I'm like whooooaaaa! So I have this girl complaining to me for a few hours and I haven't posted in awhile so I hung up on her. Sorry...NOT! BTW Magical1 totally helped me with this chapter! THANX!!!

* * *

Disclaimer: Sorry, the Great America dancing dude stole the disclaimer.

* * *

UK All The Way-Yeah I realized what I did after I posted it. But you have a good eye thanks!  
  
Nightstar13- Camel will never win if I'm against it!  
  
Tom-Felton-Fan01- As you know Stepford Wives totally blew because we didn't go see it and no one showed up. Spiderman was good though especially when the kids got thrown out haha!  
  
xXxtAP-daNCiNg-sPIdeRs- Sorry I didn't update sooner, I was having problems with Word but I fixed it and now it's all better!

* * *

Legolas was getting so sick of Merry and Pippin. Every five minutes they would creep up behind him and scream "ARE WE THERE YET?" and he was not in the mood. He was the only one to realize Harry and Hermione were gone. He didn't mind the fact that they were gone but what really ticked him off was that they took his favorite lucky crayon. He sighed and continued riding. They were on their way to drop a ring into a fiery pit. He was SO excited...well not exactly. Aragorn was riding Brego. He decided he wasn't going to get on Legolas' bad side this early in the morning when he hadn't had a shower.  
  
"Where are we going Leggs?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"We are going to Mordor you old fart, to fix your stupid mistakes," answered Sam.  
  
"Now now, my dear Samwise Gamgee, it isn't really Gandalf's fault," spoke Frofro.  
  
"Yes Mr. Frodo."  
  
Sam gazed at Frodo with longing in his eyes. It would only be a few hours before this whole Mordor thing would be over, and then, he thought wistfully, he and Mr. Frodo could be alone at last......  
  
Meanwhile in a dark cellar...  
  
"Dude you really think you could pull this off? You're not a REAL villain. I mean you suck at this. You're supposed to have us scared of you, not sitting here bored," Harry said.  
  
"Really? What am I doing wrong? Can you help me to be better?"  
  
"What you have to do is-"  
  
"Harry don't help him make us more miserable!" Hermione cut in.  
  
"Oh right."  
  
Finally the cloaked man untied Harry and Hermione.  
  
"I'm moving you to a more suitable destination."  
  
A bus pulled up to the front of the door and an old man came down the steps and started dancing. Before they knew it they were enjoying themselves at Great America! They were going on Raging Bull and Iron Wolf. The dancing man even bought them popcorn and let them go on the water rides! They were so excited to be having fun that they forgot all about the ring.  
  
Back with Legolas...  
  
Merry and Pippin having just launched into their own rendition of "Home on the range" were changing the words into somewhat less appealing lines. (Dirty words) He knew everyone thought they were going to Mordor again but what they didn't know was that Harry had the ring. So he was leading them away from Mordor.  
  
"I can easily go get them Legolas," Gandalf said.  
  
"Please!!! If I have to hear Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam ask me if we're there yet I'm going to FLIP!"  
  
So Gandalf said a few words, waved his staff, and he was gone. (A/N-In my story Gandalf can do ANYTHING! Yes, even skateboard!) Legolas was finding that Aragorn was being oddly quiet. He turned around to make sure he was still there and found him asleep on Brego. A wave of relief waved over his body. Gandalf poofed back with Harry and Hermione.  
  
"Sorry old chap...We got...tied up," Harry told Legolas.  
  
"Got the ring?"  
  
"Yeah right he-"  
  
"Uh oh....." 

"What do you mean...uh oh?" Aragorn said as he woke up.

"There's like a crayon in my pocket or something!"

"That's mine!!!!" Legolas screamed.

Legolas grabbed the crayon and put it in his pocket.

"Hey, can I ask you WHY there is a french fry in your hair, Hermione?" Merry asked.

"Oh wow how long has THAT been there? I haven't had french fries in at least five years!"

"Are you going to eat that?" Pippin asked as he grabbed the fry out of her hair.

"That's Pip, always thinking of his stomach..." Frodo said.

Then a cloaked figure jumped in front of them.

"Hello....Potter,"

"Malfoy!" Sam said.

"I want to help you. Despite the fact that I hate you and your girlfriend has the bushiest eyebrows in the entire universe."

"And just how can YOU help US?" Hermione snapped.

"I know a short cut."

"It's a trp don't listen to him," she told Legolas.

"There are...carrots, mushrooms, and pints on the way."

"We're in!" the four hobbits raised their hands.

"And there is some weed," Malfoy added.

Gandalf's hand shot up in the air.

"Plus I'm sure there is a nice huge bottle of shampoo and conditioner accompanied by a hot tub."

Legolas looked up. "Let's go."

The group got moving and followed Draco. Even though Draco was evil in the past, he was definatly being serious this time. He led them down a path where a huge field appeared in front of them.

"Mushrooms!" Piipin yelled as he ran down to fill his stomach.

The others ran ahead to gather food for the journey and left Frodo and Sam behind. As the two hobbits were walking along they saw a shimmering in some nearby trees and shrubs. They walked over and went into the forest.

* * *

Everyone read and review or you won't be able to hop the bus to Great America! 


	6. Jerry Springer

Ok finally I can actually type up my next chapter! It's taken so long! Band Camp was tyte. I got to play with drum stix!!! Bass drum stix r sooo cool. It was raining most of the time but not nearly half as bad as my sophmore year. So here's my next chapter! ENJOY and review.

Disclaimer: Jerry Springer gave the disclaimer to an audiance member.

* * *

SOME people coughSTARcough didnt review so NO messages for them! HAH. 

James'Gurl215:Thanks for the review! I'm definatly writing as many chapters as I can I just have to find time. We've got football games coming up soon yay!

Tom-Felton-Fan01:When I wrote about the french fry I thought of us thrwoing croutons in Danielles hair haha good times...

XxXtAP-daNCiNg-sPIdeRsXxX:Yeah I was talking about the Six Flags guy. He's so funny!

Pippin: Well thanks for ur review!

* * *

Frodo and Sam picked up the object turning it over and scanning it. 

"Is this supposed to mean something?" Frodo asked Sam.

"Mr. Frodo? Do you see what I see?"

"I see Aragorn eating my foot long Subway sandwich!"

"How can you see a person that isn't standing behind us?"

"I don't know Sam, what do you see?"

"I see you submerged in 20,000 leagues of water with sharks and _eels _and-AHHH!"

Frodo and Sam thought it time to get back to the group. They brought the mirror out of the forest and hid it from the others.

"Best not let anyone see this," Frodo said.

Frodo and Sam walked over to the others noticing Merry and Pippin lying on their backs in the field.

"Ugh...so...many...mushrooms..." Merry said.

"Yeah and I'm ready for more!"

"How can you eat more?"

"I'm hungry.

Sam knelt down to pick some herbs.

"Hey Sam! Look-rabbits!" Aragorn said.

Sam stood up and was hit with several mudballs.

"Haha!" They all laughed at him.

"Aragorn-you going DOWN."

"Guys I think we should start going," Harry said.

"Yeah for once Scar face is right," Malfoy said.

"Do you have a problem with me Malfoy?"

"Where have you been??"

"Let's settle this then..."

Harry waved his wand and muttered a few words. A long stretch limousine appeared.

"Come on, everyone get in," Hermione yelled.

Everyone one looked up from their mud war. They ran over to the long car and piled in.

"Where are we going?" Merry asked.

"Are we there yet?" Frodo asked.

"I'm hungry," Pippin said.

"We're going to settle this argument Muggle style," Harry answered Merry.

The limo pulled up to a large building and everyone piled out. Harry knew what he had to do.

"Jerry Springer?!" Sam screamed.

"It's the way Muggles solve their problems..." Hermione stated.

"Yeah but they aren't Mumbles."

"Muggles."

"What-evvverrr."

Harry got pumped as he walked into the building.

"Jerry-Jerry-Jerry-Jerry-Jerry" they all heard chanting.

Harry smiled at Hermione. All he could hear in his head was Harry-Harry-Harry.

"Welcome to todays show. Today our guests have _issues _to resolve. Let's meet our first guest," Jerry Springer said as he opened the show.

"How are they going to solve wizard problems on a mu- human television show, Gandalf?" Frodo asked.

"What? Do you think I know everything? I'm just a wizard my goodness!!"

Frodo looked at Sam. "What's HIS problem?"

"He's a little cranky this time a month if you know what I mean."

"I'm not a woman Sam." Gandalf interrupted.

"I wasn't insinuating that you were. I mean you're going through...withdrawal."

Merry and Pippin were off at the food table eating as much as they could while piling food into their pockets and bags.

"Our first guest says his life has been nothing but miserable since his first year-Henry what's going on?" Jerry asked.

"It's Harry but this guy has been ruining my life since I first met him."

"Aren't you a little young to have someone ruining your life?"

"No I've led a very full life. I've saved the world at least 7 times."

"Yeah you keep thinking that...So what's he done? Stolen your chick?"

"No. He makes fun of me and my friends."

Jerry flashed a look at his producer. He was mouthing words. Harry could only make out three. Waste...of...time.

"Ok well let's bring him out. Meet Draco."

The crowd went wild. Girls were screaming and fainting and guys were yelling and booing. Draco charged towards Harry. The wrestling bell went off and Steve rushed onto the stage. Soon all but one guard was holding Draco back. Backstage the group heard the yelling and assumed the show was over so they left through the backdoor.

"Ok so what exactly has Draco done, Harry?"

"He made my dear friend eat slugs, he almost killed my friends sister, he blabbed and got me in detention, his father tried to kill me, he calls my friend a BEEP, he-

Harry and Draco were grabbed by their jackets and thrown out of the studio.

"What'd we do?!" Harry asked.

"You swore! Jerry is very sensitive about that."

"...riiight."

Draco stood and brushed himself off.

"Crap."

"What?"

"The others are gone," Draco pointed out.

"Crapper."

* * *

Now you all have to review or Steve is going to come and...eat you? No no if you don't review Steve won't let you rub his bald shiny head. 

I know it was a short chapter but I didn't have nuch time to write it. Hope you liked it. REVIEW


	7. Split

I'm sorry it has been a really REALLY long time since I've updated but Ive been having troubles with school this year since my teachers are INSANE. They make me mad! Plus the football team isn't doing so hot. Poor team!

* * *

Disclaimer: Advance-Advance-Emulate over the turf! 

James'Gurl215: Thanks! I'm surprised Harry didn't get the crap beat outta him for swearing

Moonyasha: Thanks for reviewing, sorry it's been awhile since I've had time to update.

Tom-Felton-Fan01: We can still throw croutons at Danielle! DON'T WORRY!!! Yeah Draco's an awesome guy.

nightstar13: There is no Steve security guard. It's Dick, Phil, and Al. No Steve. I had a question about that on my freshman final. I will eventually explain the eel dream...not now though. It's not the time or place. Yeah it did rain.

xXxtAP-daNCiNg-sPIdeRsXxX: I just wanted to put something about Steve in there cause he's SOO cool!

* * *

Draco and Harry wandered around looking for the Fellowship while ignoring each other. Suddenly Harry felt something hard hit the back of his head and he turned around to find a rock rolling across the ground. 

"What the-"

Draco looked up. He seemed to be staring at his feet while walking.

"What do you want? Take a picture, it lasts longer!"

"Why did you throw this at my head?" Harry said as he picked up the rock.

"I didn't. Why should I waste my time?"

"Shut up hoe!"

"They always blame the innocent ones..."

Draco looked up to see hundreds of monkeys in the trees above them. He tapped Harry on the shoulder and pointed up.

"Only in Chicago..." Harry muttered under is breath.

"We aren't in Chicago anymore you son of a Cheerio. When they threw us out they must have sent us through another world or something."

"Man...why does this have to happen to US?!!!

Meanwhile........

"That was a very short problem solving... thingie." Pippin said.

"We have been waiting here for almost an hour and no one has come or gone." Frodo looked at his watch.

"I'm ready to go!!! I'm bored!" Aragorn said as he whined and cried in the corner.

"Let's just go. We shall see them again in the near future." Gandalf told the group as he turned to leave.

"Meh, ok." (A/N: They could have sat there for a longer time but I figured why have them sit there being bored when they can find stupid ways to amuse themselves. OoOh pretty sparkles...)

The group wandered on forgetting Draco and Harry. Hermione was walking way in back hoping to see a glimpse of Harry, or even Draco strangely. She was thinking maybe the invisibility cloak was being used like it had been so many times before.

"Guys don't you think it is pointless to go on without the ring?" Hermione turned to Gandalf.

"Dude, when have we ever thought about anything? All we do is pointless things." Merry said.

"I'm hungry." Pippin whined.

"When do I get my bubbles?" Aragorn poked Gandalf.

"When do I get food?" Pippin poked Gandalf too.

"When do I get Harry?" Hermione started in.

Everyone stopped and turned towards her and raised their eyebrows.

"I mean we need the ring and he has it...so umm we need Harry to uh have the ring."

"You got serious issues sista." Frodo and Sam said as they snapped their hands.

Meanwhile.........

"Are we there yet?" Harry asked Draco.

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"WE AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE SO THERE IS NOWHERE TO BE!"

"Man...someone hasn't taken their happy pills today..."

Far off in the distance Draco caught a glimpse of a group of people wandering across the forest. He tapped Harry on the shoulder and pointed.

"Shhh."

"Don't you shush me!" Harry screamed.

The group stopped at looked at them and ran off.

Draco was surprisingly calm. He smiled and walked into the forest. About 5 minutes later you could hear a loud shrill coming from his direction and after 5 minutes he emerged from the forest.

"You ok?" Harry asked while trying to keep his distance. He noticed Draco's normally matted hair standing on end.

"...." Draco charged at Harry grabbing him by the neck.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Sorry this was a short chapter guys! It has been sitting here for like a week so I figured homecoming is over I might as well update. Hope you enjoyed!

Now you must review or Draco will choke you! No forget that...some of you would like that. Umm review or you won't get any happy pills!! Mwahahaha!!!

And now this is 3 pages! YAY!


End file.
